TSA Stunts

"The means of defense against foreign danger historically have become the instruments of tyranny at home." -- President James Madison: 1751-1836

Hang on to your hats folks, the “Thought Police” are coming! Those wonderful folks from Homeland Security, whose job it is to secure your safety and well being, are at it again. I suppose it was inevitable, but now even a frown or grimace can get you in trouble with the cops. The federal Transportation Security Administration’s “specially trained” security personnel will soon be watching travelers for “micro-expressions” that reveal insidious intentions at airports. These agents, in their incessant search for potential terrorists, and who hold your fate in their hands, have been given the name of "Behavior Detection Officers."

There really is a field of study called “Micro-Expressions” (and it’s apparently called a “science” by some), that has decided when people wish to conceal emotions, the truth of their feelings is revealed in facial flashes. Oh-Kay, that makes sense… I think. The experts have also determined that fear and disgust are the key things to look for because they can hint of deception. Still... if these government specialists are really so talented, wouldn't they be working in ‘Vegas, instead of staring at a bunch of ugly people at the airport?

Fear and disgust in an airport terminal building!? Or even at the bus depot? I guess the genius that thought this one up hasn’t used public transportation very much over the last few years. It’s bad enough that we could be trapped in a crowded airplane with no food or water, and with nonworking toilets, for hours on end. Add in the unwashed bodies, screaming kids, marginal drunks, and the gossiping stranger that wants to tell you all about her neighbor’s terrible grandkids. And that’s on a good day! What about the woman who is getting on a plane for one last visit with a dying relative? Or the man traveling to another state to see a cancer specialist? Or how about the guy who just had a fight with his wife? What kind of mood are you going to be in when the baggage agent tells you your only clean clothes are on their way to Pretoria, while you’re heading for Paducah! So while TSA employees are confiscating your nail clippers and water bottle, they’re going to be secretly looking for some telltale sign of terrorist intent in a grimace, a sigh, a crinkled nose?

The face police, already working at more than a dozen U.S. airports, aren’t identified as such. But the watcher could be at the baggage counter, the ticket counter, or near the metal detectors and X-ray machines. The Transportation Security Administration hopes to have as many as 500 “Behavior Detection Officers” on the job by the end of 2008. One scenario is that an officer might move in to “help” a passenger retrieve their belongings after they’ve been screened. And then the officer will ask where the passenger is headed. If the passenger’s reaction sets off alarm bells in the officer’s well-trained mind, another officer will move in and detain them. Dunno about anyone else, but if a total stranger moved in on me like that and started asking a lot of questions, I’d probably tell them where to get off at, and throw in a few choice expletives for good measure as I stomped off. Of course, I probably won’t be stomping very far.

I suppose that in light of the inept, kneejerk reactions and poorly thought out airport security rules since 9-11, something as silly as a Behavior Detection Officer isn’t too much to be expected. Personally I'm of the opinion that the Transportation Security Agency is a world class joke, and will do little to stop another terrorist attack. It's little more than another case of Government throwing money at a problem, providing additional pork to friends of the administration, and trying to lull and pacify the public into believing that we’re safe. That sounds like a serious violation of the public trust to me.

It's difficult enough to travel given the snafu at the airports, lousy service, and lack of consideration by the airlines. Now we are to be detained for our thoughts! This is terrifying, yet the American people will accept it in the name of security. Ben Franklin was right you know, those who would give up liberty for some small measure of security deserve neither liberty nor security. After all, how can we be a free people if we can be detained based on no more evidence than a facial expression?

I believe that it’s definitely time to terminate the TSA. It a waste of time, money, and our freedom. It wastes thousands of man years waiting in line for a nearly undetectable gain in security. It created hundreds of thousands of parasitic federal brown shirts that will take a huge nation wide political effort to eliminate. (Incidentally, our current use of the word “homeland” is quite similar to Hitler’s use of “Fatherland”, and Stalin’s use of “Motherland”). In the name of security we have instituted a Soviet style system of internal passports for airline travel called the “Real ID”, and now we get the TSA thought police as well!

So this is what the government passes for "science," nowadays? What’s next, hiring out of work psychics? That probably would be much more efficient and accurate than reading facial expressions. I suppose this really shouldn't be surprising, coming from the knuckle-draggers that populate the federal government. To them, science is for those weirdo’s that do something like work for a living, instead of playing official government video games all day long. It’s nice to see that our government has all the extra tax money to spend on a science such as this.

I think this is probably the most insidious assault on the "American way of life" since 9/11! Part of our freedom relies on our personal duty and honor, and part of it relies on our being able to kick over the traces when the government does something really stupid. After all, the Constitution itself states that if it doesn't work anymore, Americans have the responsibility to throw it out and start over. Nothing is said about turning our country into a Soviet style big-brother state.

Welcome to America under the “New World Order”, and remember to think only “Happy Thoughts” whenever you’re outside the confines of your house, hopefully that will save you from being added to the Terrorist Suspect List.